Wednesday, September 22, 2010

So many fereaking options!

Hello all! i am here in my guesthouse in chiang mai typing out my feelings of ungroundedness because I am having trouble making a lot of desciscions n its on a counter of men, they all like me once we get to talking and then they just want more than friendship.  Okay i know im complaining and yes its flattering but at the same time, what happened to just being friends?  It's so hard to have a non-sexual freely open friendship with a guy for me because of course when the topic of sex comes up, the blood starts pumping and simple discussion turns into a turn directed at fulfilling ones own desire to feel pleasure.  Yesterday, my friend whos in his 50's offered over and over to have sex with me; not in an incredibly aggresive way, actually in the nicest way possible but I am not down with the whole "life's short, lets have sex together" approach.  He told me he was a "butterfly" man and had had sex with many women, but neverhad he hd the chance to be with an american, with a perfect body nd white skin...okay so our conversation got pretty deep, we talked about everything, even the way he likes to make love to the women he pays for sex or pay him.  I even pondered it for a moment as if I should just go and say what the hell i'm in Thailand, no one will know, and hilariously enough i probably would have if there were any sexual attraction towards him, but no.  My gut said no, because it didnt feel right.  I loved talking to him though before the topic turned to him wanting to get into my american pants but now there's an akwardness, a mature akwardness though because i told him the truth, "im only interested in friendship and no sex, I just think the whole view of sex in thailand and relationships, atleast in your own personal experience, is very interesting, but I dont want you to think i feel you are bad, because I dont, I am glad that we can talk about this so openly."  so that day ended slightly akward with again another tinge of bitter sweetness but its all good, haha!  He understood and invited me over to have dinner with him and his family the night before I leave, dont worry though I met his daughter and shes very nice, I just had to set a boundary with him because he didnt have one. 
So anyways, to quickly sum up the point in this whole tid bit of a story is that Im having trouble making decisions because I see the other perspective of each scenario and dont really see a good or bad view on things as much but more of a difference in preference.  This guy was a really nice guy, i could taklk to him about anything until emotions got invovled and now theres a hairline fracture tht will be mended because I set a boundary. And I say it was a mature akwardness because it was completely genuine.  So yes, another experience for sonia feldman, foreigner in thailand, learning about sex here without having to have it and having incredibly honest conversations with the locals. 
The experince opened my eyes on my view towards sex, which doesnt mean that I need to take on the view as my own, or i can if i would like, but it gave me a less judgemental view on fulfilling one's own desires and anothers and what it is that allows sex to so much more accesible to anyone at anytime in this country.  Paying for sex here is not a big deal, lady boys and girls who want to be men, lesbians, gays, married couples having sex with other people, butterfly men and women, anything having to do with sex and preferences is a lot looser here and the people who make a lving at it, at least from what this man told me, for the most part, still have respect for themselves.  That doesnt mean that some people making a living from their bodies are not depressed but i see the pther side... i must go on a tour good bye

Monday, September 20, 2010

Lets throw in some rice noodles!

Heelo, I am currently in Chiang Mai, Thailand; located in a mountaineous rainforest region of the northern side of the country.  I have been away from the computer for a while because Ive been having issues with loading pictures on to the computers here but oh well.  So much has happened, yet so little and the only way I feel I can express even an ounce of what I've experienced is through a stream of conciousness that may or may not make sense and have some artistic randomness to it, so here we go:

SKin is moist...humid, hottter than ever, sun shining on face as if to burn all my sins away,  t t t t thai land.  Where do I go?  Where am I going?  Where am I from?  Wher are al the Americans.  Bangkok, hotttttt, bangkok, sexy clothes and thai hookers dangling on percievingly rich white men. 
-TAT: Thailand Authority of Tourism, simple tours with a side of bitter sweet chocolate, meaning your head has a dollar sign on it, meaning, you better understand that mean thai accent with those ears of yours, meaning prepare to mostly sit in a minivan with light a/c and a bunch of foreigners, meaning an all inclisive package with monkey shows and elephant rides full of abuse and innocently ignorent torture in order to survive through the falangs aka foreigners, meaning you will see beautiful temples, sites and cities, but you will also never forget the eyes of those people whop needed your money and the monkey being dragged around on a bicycle by a chain around its neck or the hook of the mahout(elephant owner/driver) digging into the elephants head without shedding a tear at the fresh wounds made.  BItter sweet from the joy of being a foreigner and seeing both the beautiful n the ugly, and sometimes the vastly boringness of it all.
-Money: Cheap, cheap cheap, said the bird.  HAha! I am in a computere cafe right now and a computer just expolded!  Everyone stops for a second, laughs, amnd then goes back to their games.  Cheap, 10 baht(like 40 cents) to be on this computer, 800 baht to be in a high/midrange geusthouse with a pool with breakfast included, 20 baht to ride around town on a tuktuk(motorcycle with a carriage) for nearly the whole day,  15baht for a deliociously healthy vegetarian thai meal from a restaraunt...but then comes the foreigners charge, eaving one feeling as though yes, life here is stil incredibly affordable but for someone of a different race, there is a swindling, extra price, you have more money and they know it.  even if you take a taxi somewhere, they will charge you more than a local, usually double, but thats the price of what it is to be a travelling newbie.  We, americans and europeans at least, regardless of our social class in our own country, are considered rich in Thai eyes, and its true, we are, our comforts go far bayond this country.
-americanbization: hearing hip-hop music down the street, fake gucci and pradda bags, incredibly good american singing accents(but not talking), spaghetti with rice noodles and pizza served with spicy ketchup in a high class restaurant that charges 6us per meal, flipped up polo collars, chevrolet and toyota, englidh signs all over, an obsession with 7elevens, ovaltine and coffee, cigarettes with a person dieing on them, subtitled movies and starbucks.
-sexuality:  I have short hair due to shaving my head several times and I cannot say how many times I have been called sir!haha!  So I figured it out after looking around for a while and hearing stories of the cultural sexuality differences here there are a lot of women who dress like boys and have short hair, kind of like a very masculine lesbian, the only otyher thai women who have short hair are nuns and old ladies, all women who have short hair are regraded and regard themselves as male here except the two previously listed, so I am considered by most in this country to be a man! haha! An the funnier and sometimes more irritating thing is that I dont really dress girly so I fit into this percieved niche of people which I find incredibly strange and interesting, now I am more comfortable with being called sir but I still have a slight frustration because I feel misunderstood, I understand, but am misunderstood when I swim in a female bathing suit or wear earings.  Oh yeah and the pther thing that I have finally seen wioth my own eyes are lady boys, also termed rudley as farangs, they look exact;y like women, plastic boobs and waxed upped lips, but before all thopse surgeries, they were men, and these ladyboys can only be spotted if you look incredibly close and if they havent taken hormone pills to change there vioice yet.  They are for the most part accepted here but still stick out when noticed. The guest house I am stayong at now has a ladyboy working at the counter and I swear you wouldnt know by looking.
-Vipassan: A type of meditation that requires a cultivation of mindfulnness training where one must constantly mentally note their current thervadin buddhism at the temple I stayed at they had us mentally say the experioence three times each, "standing, standing, standing. Intention to turn, intention to turn, intention to turn. Hearin, hearing, hearing, thinking, thinking, thinking. Anger, Anger, Anger", you get the idea.  It was incredibly boring yet incredibly interesting because of the simplicity of this practice and the effects it had on bring one back into their body and the present m,oment.  I had to wear all white as a symbol for purification and could not communicate with anyone but my teacher.  I think it is a great way of learning how to meditate in action.

Okay now I must end this long ass session because my eyes are becoming irritated from the screen, I hope you enjoyed listening, listening, listening, and thinking, thinking, thinking.  tata!

Friday, September 10, 2010

BAngykok and Phuket

Hello all,
SO yes IU am in thailans officially and am enjoying the exaustion from the beautiful humid air.  What I mean to say is that its freaking hot over here, like hotter than I've ever experienced.  Today I went on a tour to all the temples in this sacred city near Bangkok and I kid you not I was sweating the entire day.  But other than that life is pretty good down hither.  I have traveeled from a small island/beachy area in a place called phuket and it was quite beautiful, rainy and slower paced than the big city.  Everyone rides motorbike/vespa scooters and those are also used as a type of taxi which is super fun and cheap to get anywhere...BAngkok is humongous!  It's like New York City and Mexico City combined, holy kaka!  Yes, but it's a georgoes city that is increidbly affordable and a great place to travel for americans.  All I have to say is that I am incredibly thankful for all that I have and to be able to see another part of the world with my very own eyes  oh yeah!  Here is my photobucket account so you can see some of the pictures Ive taken so far in a larger group, note they are not all full uploaded yet, these are just the beginning...     muah! carpe diem