Thursday, October 7, 2010

Darmasala Holla!

What is up people? Me actually, up in at the foothills of the himalayas i rest and feel as though I have finally found a temporary home.  I am not alone here, not the only foreigner, not the only solo traveller, but one of many and finally, even though I am very high up in the mnountains, I finally feel like I can breathe! 

 It has been a long time since I posted anything and its because its been hard to find good internet in the places Ive been.  So much has happened that I cant express the half of it but I will summarize so you can sort of imagine...I was in Chiang Mai THailand last time we spoke and since then I flew into Delhi and was hanging around there for a little bit.  I had met a boy in BAngkok that offered to tour me around Delhi, little did I know that he would take me into his family and protect me as if I were the fair skinned princess of India.  He was a religios Sikh, along with his family(They wear turbans), and him and his family taugh me the basics of Sikhism and temple/family life.  It is an incredibly simple yet beautiful religion where they accept people of all different backrounds and social classes( especially important in INdia with the class differences here).  I went to many Sikh temples where you sing gods name out, ask for special wishes, drink and wash in holy water, and take prasad(blessed food, that tastes like oats) to remain holy.  I even took a seven hour train to the biggest sikh temple in the world called Shri Sahib Amritsar.  This friend of mine, who will not be named for persopnal reasons, was one of the kindest people I have ever met, he always told me, even on the first day, that I was his bestest friend.  I found it very endearing in the beginning because he was so sweet, but sometimes things that are too sweet become nauseated or unappetizing after a few bites...
I feel horrible of course, but at the same time I feel incredibly free, as though I made the correct descision, the decision for my mental health...I had to leave him, yesterday actually, because I couldnt handle living with him any more.  Yes I know, a total flip from happy family to hell in a backpack.  He was a great friend, to too nice, overly caring, overly protective, and to be quite honest the situation got very old very fast, and simply because it was too sweet, like an indian dessert.  See, he was willing to do anything for me, anything, his family took me in and cater to my every need, to an extent of insanity, that I couldnt handle it anymore.  I am a spoiled american, yes I like hot showers and a toilet to sit on, I love food and chai, but I am not or should I say, do not need to be treated as though I am royalty.  I was overwhelmed when I came to India, not because of how India really was, but because of all the horrible stories everyone told me...and you know what?  So far I have not encountered the severity of this country as expressed by others.  Yes there are a shit load of people and its dirty as hell, compared to my suburban home, but it's not that bad.  So when I arrived in India, I was fucking scared, and the reality of the situation was not nearly as intense as I thought.  But to get back to the point I am trying to make, this guy I met from Delhi, I clung to him the first day, because I was scared for my life and he guarded me as if I needed to do the same(his family made sure he was my body guard), and after the first couple of days, and the repeated questions of if I am happy and the horrible language barrier(only preschool english), I got sick of the situation, I wanted to leave, because I could communicate how I was feeling, I even cried at one point because if I wasnt constantly smiling or speaking, him and his whole entire family would be at my feet begging for me to be happy. This is why I say too sweet, and why there is guilt attached to the situation.  I was offered to stay at the home, and very well could have lived there the rest of  my life without ever having to pay for anything again, but I couldnt live a life so comfortable, because the overavailability of it was uncomfortable.  I stayed in my expensive hotel room.  But even that was not enough and I had constant feeling of guilt mixed with joy.  I could only handle so much and it was hard for me to decide whether I should leave or not because I was afraid for my life, afraid to be alone in INdia because this whole time I was guarded and had every need met.  So I kept compromising, holding my temper when no matter how long I would try to explain, I could nt be understood, and I left.  I got the hell out of there, and had my friend arrange a private car for me to go to Darmasala, where the Dalai Lama lives and is the place where all the Tibetan refugees reside.
SO this is just a summary of what has happened so far and you probably dont understand my reasons for leaving fully, and theres a lot more to the story thatn is said, but that is the gist and the decision to leave my friend from delhi took a lot of courage because now, I am truly alone in India, and I feel fucking great.  Yes, of course I'm scared for my life and have to arrange things myself as opposed to being the Princess of India, but this is how I would prefer it, more personal freedom, and more to watch out for, but this is why I came to India, to travel, to be by myself in another country(which is not to say I will make friends along the way) but I am not going to accomodate anyone right now, I have to take care of myself, and my simple needs.  It was a great lesson and maybe I will see him again(I wish I could tell you the whole story but I made a promise not to) but right now I am happy, scared, but happy, because finally I am in a new country, alone and have no clue of what the future holds.  Until next time, I am safe, without a schedule and in a place that is the most beautiful part of india I have seen so far.  Goodbye and please, take care of yourself


  1. Well my friend, I'm glad to hear all is well and that you were able to escape that uncomfortable situation. Sounds like another memory to add flavor to the vault! Know you are very missed n Zilaya saw ya picture just now and literally said, "HiSonia!" Can't wait to hear from you again; in the mean time we send you mental hugs and swimmingly good energy vibrations! LOVE YOU!!